Doctor, doctor jokes

Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses.

You certainly do madam. This is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, I’ve been thinking I may be a moth for some time now.

Really? So what made you call in to see me today?

Oh, I saw the light at the window…….

Doctor, will this ointment clear up all my spots?

Well, I don’t like to make rash promises…..

Doctor, doctor. I keep painting myself gold!

Mmm sounds like a gilt complex!

Doctor, doctor, I’ve broken my arm in two places!

Well, don’t go back there again!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a spoon.

Mmm, just sit there and don’t stir!

Doctor, doctor I think I’m suffering from deja vu.

Didn’t I see you yesterday?

Doctor, can you give me something for wind?

Certainly, here’s a kite!

Doctor, I get a pain in my eye when I drink coffee.

Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?

Doctor I feel like biscuits

What, do you mean square ones?

Yes!

The ones you put butter on?

Yes!

Oh, you’re crackers!!

Doctor: "You need new glasses"

Patient: "How do you know? I haven’t told you what’s wrong yet!"

Doctor: " I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window!"

Doctor, doctor, some days I feel like a marquee, and others I feel like a wigwam.

Yes, I can see you are two tents

(too tense)