A Short narrative

this short narrative was written by a language learner. Where are the mistakes and how could it be improved?

Suddenly the lights went out.

‘Now it’s gonna be hard to find the papers!’ shouted Patricia to her boyfriend

‘Stay here, I’m going downstairs to see what happens……..’ he answered very quietly

Few minutes later he came back, holding two small candles. By the expression of his complexion, she guessed it wasn’t the right time to argue about the lights. The bell of the close church rang eleven times and they both understood that there was no more time to loose…….

‘Listen, you check the cupboard and this small table meanwhile I do the desk and these three boxes. As soon as you find something which can help us to involve him, we just run away!’ His voice was deceiving his fear not to find out any proof, but she seemed not to notice it. Simon was her boyfriend for nearly five years now and she knew how to behave in such a delicate situation.

After a while, Patricia became deseperate however:

‘We’re going in the wrong way! Although I’ve been looking carefully in each place, I can’t find anything! What are we gonna do?’ But Simon didn’t have time to answer; suddenly Paul opened the door and shooted him. It was too late……

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