Tips for basic English
Tips for basic English (an amusing look at the English language rules)
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1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
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5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat)6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.7. Be more or less specific.8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. |
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9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.10. No sentence fragments.11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. |
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.14. One should NEVER generalise.15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. |
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17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.19. The passive voice is to be ignored.20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. |
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." |
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25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. |
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.And the last one…31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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