Why me?

Breathe! Why can’t I breathe? I open my mouth, raise my shoulders and struggle, struggle just for one deep, comfortable lung of air. I fail; instead emitting shallow, ragged threads of fetid air that cannot satisfy my need. I step back into the shadow, determined to overcome the matter that has befallen me. I have to, otherwise I cannot move on, and I am desperate to move on! The room beyond me is dark and stifling. I begin to wonder if there is any air to be had in this place at all. Leaning back I feel the coolness and support of the pale,cheaply emulsioned wall against my skin. A temporary reprieve, I know, but so pleasant against the heat of my body. I had come here early, hoping to organise inside my head the sequence of events that were to be played out here, believing it would give me a degree of control over this situation. Control? Ha! a fine choice of word since I feel no control over anything at this moment in time. Actually, no, correct that last statement; I have had no control of this since last week when the assignment was given to me…..no again! ‘forced’ upon me is the correct description.

My breathing relaxed a little as I recalled the events leading up to this moment, and I drank in the air greedily, knowing the tension would probably return. I remembered how it was possible to almost feel the relief that everyone else in the office had felt when this task fell to me. There was an audible sigh as all but me relaxed. How I had wished I was anywhere else on that day. The same applied now!

I closed my eyes, resting my head against the wall, whispering a quiet plea ‘ please, anything, let anything occur right now to prevent me having to do this’… A slight shuffling sound from beyond me in the darkened room, and a door was softly opened. Suddenly, all my senses were on alert; eyes flew open, back straightened, and I held what little breath I was able to muster. The room was flooded with light. I dared not turn and look. My little corner of shade remained and I did not want to step out of it and into the bright light; at least, not yet. There were voices now, muffled and distant, their words indistinct from this distance but clearly they were approaching this room.

A slow, fat trickle of sweat made it’s lazy way down my left temple. I didn’t move even to wipe it away. Let it slide. The hairs on my neck prickled and rose with my fear level. Steeling myself, I craned my neck to glance over my right shoulder toward the room. The noise level had now risen and figures, some in groups, others alone, began to fill the room. How many? How many were there? 40? 50? Too many. Far too many for one person to face alone.

I flattened myself against the wall and slid back into the shadow. I wanted to be at one with the wall, to become a part of it’s strength and solidity, hoping against hope that I could stay here undiscovered until those people out there,in that room, realised there would be no action here today and left for more rewarding pursuits. Oh how I wished…. Why me? Why?

My clothing felt too tight. My shoes pinched my feet. My collar was far too tight. Uncomfortable physically and mentally. This seemed so cruel. My palms were now slick with sweat, and I realised that my papers began to shake in unison with my hands. From the pit of my stomach I felt the all too familiar sensation of nausea, gradually rising through my body to leave my mouth dry and unpleasant. Cannot be sick, Cannot betray my presence here by vomitting in front of 40-50 people…..

I swallow down my fear, and with it the nausea. In the room they have taken up their positions. I glance at my watch – almost zero hour. I wonder what they are expecting; if what I do will be enough for them, enough to satisfy and give me safe passage. A hush descends on the room as a figure steps in front of them, slightly elevated, and turns my way with a smile. Can they hear my heart beating? Do I look as uncomfortable as I feel? A surge of adrenalin courses it’s way through my system as a distant voice reaches my ear – "Ladies and gentlemen. In the absence of Davis Saul, our Marketing Manager, please welcome his Deputy, Amanda Reeve……"

There is an explosion of applause. Anticipation fills the air…..

Are these my legs, striding confidently to the lecturn? My clothing suddenly fits perfectly! Where is the fear, the nausea, the overwhelming desire to retreat to my little patch of shade and safety? I feel taller than I know I am; confidence drives away the last traces of fear and a flutter of excitement rises and falls in the pit of my stomach. It is a pleasant feeling and I welcome it. I place the papers for my speech carefully on the lecturn, smile out at the sea of eager faces (probably 60 plus of them, but I don’t mind now), and I pause…………

"Thank you, James. Welcome everyone. Today I will be presenting to you, our Marketing Executives, the plan for our ‘brave new venture’……."

Was the ending of this story a surprise to you? What did you think was about to happen? The story is written in such a way as to make the reader feel the emotions being felt by the narrator as they occur. The intention is that the reader should almost feel as if they are the narrator by use of strong, emotional words and phrases. Did it work for you?

Look at some vocabulary from this story here.